Last Paycheck

Just went and picked up my last paycheck and a few things I had at the store. I took the attitude this morning that I don't often have days off with my kids and a clean house, so I was doing a pretty decent job at enjoying it. I knew paychecks would come today and since I really NEED the thing, I went ahead and drove up there. Emotion began to hit on my way there and now, my shoulders are back to being tight and painful. I guess I was forced to again face the fact that my future is unclear. People keep giving me the cliche's, you know, "When a door closes a window opens" and the like. I know these to be true and I know that someday I will see all the good from this trying time. Right now I'm just mad, scared and upset. This store was really a part of my identity.

Four years ago, after being a stay at home Mom for nine years, I had to go back to work. I was going through a divorce and had to find my own way for the first time in 15 years. I got a job at another Super Suppers and quickly worked my way up to managing the store. I was proud of what I had accomplished. Then I got laid off. That was devastating for me. So, this isn't the first time this company has laid me off, same story, different store. Nearly a year ago, this store asked me to general manage. It took me three days to say yes, because I knew it would be a BIG job. But I did it, and despite many shortcomings along the way, I thought things were really coming together. I really felt I had made great strides. And now, it's gone. I'm not sure I can convey how this affects me. It's not just that I've lost my income. I've lost a big part of what I felt very personally attached to. I feel very lost. And yes, I know better things will come, but damnit, right now just let me be mad and hurt, it's okay!

I will say that despite everything, yesterday was one of the best Thanksgiving's on record. Maybe the very best. Jeff and I cooked side by side for hours, and I really think we worked like a well oiled machine. Everything was ready on time, we never felt stressed. I even ran into a neighbor at the store early in the day who was trying to throw together a last minute meal and invited them too. That's what Thanksgiving is all about, sharing and being thankful. I am thankful that I have wonderful family and friends. I was able to put all the stress and pain aside for a day at least.