Manic Mondays & Home Improvement

So, Monday was a BAD day for me. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get out of my head. I could not escape the feelings of failure and the re-living of the experience. I guess I needed to do that. I needed to so that I could put it behind me. I woke up Tuesday and felt much better thankfully.

That's when I decided that Jeff and I needed something to do while waiting for the phone to ring. Why not work on the house? I had done alot of this between Thanksgiving and Christmas and paint can be found pretty cheap. If anyone can find a deal, it's me. For instance, you can go to Wal-Mart or whatever paint store and go to their "oops" section and find plenty of discounted cans of paint. Usually I can find a color I want for a fraction of the price. Also, the "As Is" section at Ikea has been great. I have made some cool art pieces using cabinet doors I found there.

I mentioned this to Jeff and he was excited about the idea, so off we went. First we went to the Habitat For Humanity Re-Store. Oh my gosh! It was so fun! The first thing I spotted was a bunch of old windows taken from really old houses. I have been trying to find these for a long time. Years ago at and art festival in Arkansas, my Mom bought one of these old windows that someone had painted with hearts. It is now in Natalee's room, but has been a cherished. Also, I knew I could re-create this. I was so excited and went in to ask how much they were, $5 a window! What a deal! I have high hopes of painting these and selling them. After I've gotten some done, I will post pics.

Inside was just tons more fun stuff. We ended up buying a box of Pergo that we plan to install in out guest bathroom. That only cost us $10. After that, we came home, unloaded and headed to Ikea. We have a bar in our kitchen that the kids eat at everyday. Their little feet always hit against the wall and it is always filthy. We've been trying to come up with a solution for a while now. We ended up buying 4 really neat cabinet doors that Jeff is going to hang down there which will keep the kids feet off the wall. I think it will look pretty cool too! Again, pictures to follow. So, this should keep us busy for a few days and in the process we can get some much needed improvements done to our house.

I am also looking into going back to training to become a childbirth educator and lactation consultant. It will take some time, but it is something I really love. I'll keep you updated.

Mid Life Crisis?

I was talking on the phone with my friend Juli yesterday and we pondered our lives together wondering mutually if we were both suffering from an early mid life crisis. We talked about how we had both been on Facebook and were shocked to see the faces of people we know from high school who actually look like grown ups. Does this make US grown ups too? LOL. I guess at 36 with two kids and a husband, I must be. But inside I still feel young. More than that, I am still that kid who doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. Well, of course I'd love to be a movie star with six houses and a personal trainer, but that ain't happinen.

SO. What now? I'm 36 years old. I thought I had a direction. That door has been shut so firmly in my face that I would be a complete idiot not to see it. I have to admit that it is embarassing to be 36 and drifting. I see all these other friends from high school and they have careers and direction. At least I know I'm not the only one, thanks Juli. Good to know I'm not alone.

My sister reminded me when she called to let me lean on her after the whole firing thing, to remember things that I love to do. Immediately reminding me of some things I had put aside years ago. I think she's on to something. I quickly realized that I don't have to choose right this minute. More than anything right now, I think its just time to take a step back and think about things. I'll find some job in retail or Starbucks or subbing and then go teach children's theater in the summer. From there, who knows....midlife crisis....here I come, only I can't afford a sports car.

On a Lighter Note

So, there are fun things to do when you are out of work. Like spending the whole day with your hubby. Yesterday we went and got our taxes done and are going to get a decent tax return, so that's good. Knowing you will be receiving money is always a good thing, but especially good when you are running low on it. I needed to run by another office close to Super Suppers to drop something off, plus I wanted to stop by the Asian market off Spicewood, so we headed off to Austin.

For those of you who don't know, Jeff and I love to cook. I really love Asian food and so we have begun experimenting with that. We found a recipe in a cookbook we have that we wanted to try. There were a few ingredients we couldn't find at HEB, so Asian market it is. Oh, how much fun it was! I think we spent 30 minutes just looking at the sauces. It's so cool looking at how different cultures cook and what ingredients they use. For instance, you can get a dozen quail eggs at this market. I have no idea what the difference in taste is, but it's neat to see. We very much enjoyed our time there and I would recommend going there if this interests you at all. There is a restaurant in the back too. We didn't eat there, but it was pretty busy, so it must be good.

There is another Asian market on Lamar, but I like this one better. The one on Lamar is HUGE and has alot more stuff, BUT the fish smell in there is somewhat repulsive. In the back of the store they have huge fish tanks with all sorts of weird fish. Cool to see, not so cool to smell.

I will say that I was not happy about how the meal turned out, but I'm hard on myself about these things. It wasn't bad. Michael ate three eggrolls. Of course, my kids love all things Asian as well. We will keep trying to perfect our Asian cooking. Yummy! And if that involves going back to the Asian market, so be it. I think I'll take the kids next time too.

Seriously???

So. Remember how I said being the boss isn't fun? Well, apparently, I wasn't quick enough about being the boss. I should have insisted that we fire Gabe right away. But I really wanted to try to make it work because I felt bad for the guy. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do. Yesterday, after three whole weeks of work, I got fired. Yep, that's right folks, fired.

"Jake" got what he wanted. He's back in and I am out. Even one of the other employees called me to tell me that he went to the big boss and went to bat for me, but the big boss, Robert is the one who failed this time around. He should have let "Jake" go right from the beginning and then let me do my job. Instead, all I dealt with these past three weeks has been all the crap "Jake" has been throwing out there. You know what, to heck with the fake names, the guys' name is Gabe. No sense in protecting someone who is not innocent at all.

All the time leading up to this past Monday, my boss Robert was supportive of me. Gabe kept going to him with complaints (such as "Erin isn't cutting the bread correctly, or "the food quality just isn't what it used to be", even thought I wasn't the one in the kitchen cooking it!) and Robert kept telling me that Gabe was a cancer and that needed to be taken care of. Gabe was "out sick" nearly all week last week, but finally came back in on Saturday. Gabe then told me how he had talked on the phone to Eddie (the chef who helped open Caffe' Panini and now lives in New York, and oh, did I mention that he is Robert's nephew?) for hours the past night. Well, I really worried that was going to cause issues and that he would go to Robert and defend Gabe. Apparently, I was right because Monday, Robert was singing a different tune.

So, let's review what Robert said when he hired me and all along until Monday, and what he is saying now.

1. Then: "I need someone to be the face of Caffe' Panini." Now: "I need someone who is better at the back then the front of the restaurant."

2. Then: "You are doing so great, when I am over there, I can already see the changes with how people are reacting to the great service.", oh and this one "I told Gabe that you've only been here for a few weeks, there is only so much you can do in a short time." Now: "I really expected more from you by this time."

3. Then: "Eddie is just a guy who helped develop some great recipes for this place, but he isn't here now." Now: Well, I haven't heard anything directly on this, but I have my suspicions.

The list could go on, but it's just not worth it.

Oh, and you should see what the recruiter who helped me get the job thought about the whole thing. Boy was he ever mad! He was volunteering to help Robert out with his concept and in finding me. He usually charges a very large fee. He was the first one who told Robert that he needed to let Gabe go from the start because it would cause problems. He is furious and says he will never help Robert again. That makes me feel a little better. At least someone sees that this wasn't my fault.

I am embarrassed, which is where the anger comes from. Part of me says, "you failed Erin". And part of me says, "There is no way that you could make a HUGE difference in three weeks". I want to listen to that second voice, but that first one creeps in too. I honestly felt like I was working hard and had made great strides, and then to have someone tell you otherwise just really hurts. Robert never told me anything that he thought I was doing wrong, so if he wasn't happy, he should have told me. I am not a mind reader!

And darn it, why does this stuff just keep piling on! Jeff still hasn't found a job, and he sends resumes out every single day. I know I am ranting here, but that's why I started this blog. Mostly though I just keep telling people that this happened for a reason and once again, I am waiting to see what that is. Sigh. Feeling like a failure sucks. I am humiliated.

Being The Boss Isn't Always Fun

Well, at long last I am about to give you and update on my new job. I was hired at Caffe' Panini and started work on January 7th. When they hired me, the idea was that the current management wasn't working. The owners want to franchise the store and they wanted someone to kick it up a notch and get it really running smoothly so that could be done. Imagine my surprise when I walk in on the first day and am told and then introduced to, the former manager (I will call him Jake), WHO IS STILL WORKING THERE! It was awkward to say the least and I wasn't happy about the situation.

I tried to do my best to let him know how much I appreciated his humbleness at staying on and the help he was providing me. For the first week, things seemed fine. I can totally understand how that must have felt and I felt really badly about the whole situation. He is young and in culinary school, never has managed a place before. He seemed to understand that they wanted to do what was best for the restaurant to grow it. Moving in a new direction was what would do that.

Slowly though, things have gone down hill with him. I have asked him for help in several ways, such as writing down the soup recipe, but he has never done it. Even with me repeatedly asking. Right now I am working six days a week while we get things up and running, so on Monday's, I just work until 1:30. When I came in Tuesday, the place was a MESS! "Jake" had closed the afternoon before. I expressed gently my displeasure, but all I got from him was a bunch of excuses. I have since discovered that nothing is ever his fault...lol.

Things progressed about that way all week until yesterday when he crossed the line. I heard "Jake" telling my boss that he need to talk to him. I went to my boss and asked him if he would encourage "Jake" to talk to me since I am the boss at the restaurant. He agreed completely, thank goodness. I went right over and told "Jake" that I had overheard him talking to Robert and asked him if there was something I could do for him. I think this threw him a bit, but he went ahead and talked to me anyway. He told me how he thought the restaurant was going downhill and the quality was bad since I took over. He proceeded to tell me the other employees were unhappy (which I know is untrue because I do talk to them). He also complained about the other employees. He was all over the place and it was obvious that it was an effort to make me look bad. I discussed all his complaints with him and showed my willingness to work with him on the things he was concerned about. That should have been the end of it. But no, he then went ahead and talked to my boss as well. Right over my head. That ticked me off royally. It was VERY obvious that he was trying to do me in.

I didn't have a chance to talk to my boss about it all yesterday because he was out running errands. BUT, he did call me later that evening to tell me that he had just gone into the restaurant and one of the grills had been left on. Now, there are three panini grills in the kitchen. All sitting right next to eachother. When I left, I thought all three lights were off, telling me the grills were off. But when Robert came in later (and thank goodness he did!), one of them was left on. Now, if you were going to turn the grills off, you would turn them all three off at the same time. It seemed much to obvious that one was left on. Now, I take full responsibility for a grill being left on. I swear the lights were off, but if for some reason, one was still on, it's on me. I do however, think one was left on for the very reason of getting me in trouble.

Today, the disrespect from "Jake" has continued with some very sassy comments early on in the day. He is very obviously trying to make trouble. I called my boss and he agrees that this is a bad situation and must be remedied. We are planning to talk on Monday, but most likely, I will have to fire him. Ick. Not my forte. Never done it before, but in this situation, I cannot allow him to continue to try to sabotage me. It will hurt the whole operation, and that is unacceptable.

Listen to me! Two years ago, I would have been a mess over this situation, and I'm not even sure I would have had the confidence to stand up for myself at all. I've come a long way, and I like the newfound confidence I have. Go Erin!

Things Change

In an era when people are so amazed at our country electing an African American President, I have to say, I am not surprised. I guess this comes because I was never raised with these kinds of prejudices, although many in our country have been. My great Grandfather was a farmer, and his main ranch hand was, unsurprisingly, a black man. What was unusual, especially at the time, was that he was also my Great Grandfather's BEST friend. Their families did everything together. My Mother spent her summers there in tiny Temple, OK and I always love to hear the stories.

Growing up, my Grandparent's continued the tradition, even though they had moved to the big city (Oklahoma City). A couple times a year they would make the trek back to Temple with a truckload of baby chicks for Lome and George. I have such fond memories of these trips. Grandma and Gramper would have a big box of baby chicks in their trunk. They would always allow me to pick one baby chick, which I always fitting named "Peep", to ride up front with me in a shoe box. We would drive the couple of hours it took to get to Lome and George's little while house with Peep in my lap.

Being a city girl myself, going to a real farm was always alot of fun. I would race out of the car and hug Lome and of course introduce her to this trips' "Peep". She would always save the chore of getting the eggs from the chicken coup for me on that day. That's what I was always most excited about! I would take the basket and go to the hen house looking for those warm treasures that seemed so amazing to me and proudly carry them back to the house. The afternoon would follow with the Grandparent's inside visiting and me running around outside exploring and picking apricots off the tree to eat. Dinner time would come and we would eat some amazing fried chicken and Lome would always promise me that they would never eat my little Peep.

Back in those days though, you never saw any teen movies where there was any interracial couples. Sixteen Candles....Pretty in Pink...Breakfast Club....nope. Ah, but times have changed, and so much for the better I think. In watching my daughter grow up and begin to have boyfriends, I have seen the way things have become different, and I am glad for it. Audrey is only 13 and has just done the typical pre-teen and now teen thing of something I refer to as "The Boy of the Week Club" (Of course that is a whole other story!). The point being, she has had crushes on a rainbow of boys. She sees them no differently than she sees herself. That makes me so very happy. Every race has it's prejudices, blacks can be racist against whites, whites against blacks and so on....the reason? Because we are all people, we are all HUMANS. We are all the same.

What made me really think on this subject was much more than the election. I won't share my political views here and now, but to be honest, political views make no difference. Barack Obama is an American. Period. Just the same as any other President we've had. I'm really talking about how the American view has changed. Audrey and I finally finished watching "The sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2" today. In this teen love story there are mixed couples everywhere. It rocks! I hope that our country and our world can continue to see all races as equals. And that's my soapbox speech for today:).

Coffee is GOOOOOD!

I'm so sorry I have been bad about blogging. Starting the new job just consumed me for a few days, and then "Twilight" consumed the one day I took off.

The first couple of days on the job were pretty good, but just extremely overwhelming for me. That's just how it works for me though. When I am really nervous about something I just turn into a deer in the headlights and it takes a little bit to move past it. It is the same way when I am learning lines for a play. Some of my past directors know this, so the first few times offbook they know that I will stumble alot. But once I have gotten the lines right just one time, I always get them. It's just a weird quirk I have I guess. Soooo, learning the POS was a little intimidating at first, but by Friday I was able to do the lunch rush with no problem.

Mostly though, the stress comes from the weight on my shoulders. This place has a ton of possibilities and I have alot of ideas. I'm sure I am just putting undue pressure on myself. Rome wasn't built in a day. I do worry about failing though. I just need to take it one day at a time. And hey, free yummy coffee drinks on the mornings I need them....good deal:).

As far as the family issues, I have decided to let it go for now. I think what I really needed was to know that I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did. All of your input really helped me see what was important. I got lot's of different feedback from many of you and some of it hit so close to home that it made my cry. I needed to hear it. Audrey is struggling in school and I think at this point, she needs to focus on that. It isn't a lie or a way out, so I am not being dishonest. I want my children to have a relationship with their grandparents, I always have. At this point, I will keep an ever watchful eye on things and if the need arises, I will not hesitate to discuss the situation.

I guess that's it for now.