I was talking on the phone with my friend Juli yesterday and we pondered our lives together wondering mutually if we were both suffering from an early mid life crisis. We talked about how we had both been on Facebook and were shocked to see the faces of people we know from high school who actually look like grown ups. Does this make US grown ups too? LOL. I guess at 36 with two kids and a husband, I must be. But inside I still feel young. More than that, I am still that kid who doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. Well, of course I'd love to be a movie star with six houses and a personal trainer, but that ain't happinen.
SO. What now? I'm 36 years old. I thought I had a direction. That door has been shut so firmly in my face that I would be a complete idiot not to see it. I have to admit that it is embarassing to be 36 and drifting. I see all these other friends from high school and they have careers and direction. At least I know I'm not the only one, thanks Juli. Good to know I'm not alone.
My sister reminded me when she called to let me lean on her after the whole firing thing, to remember things that I love to do. Immediately reminding me of some things I had put aside years ago. I think she's on to something. I quickly realized that I don't have to choose right this minute. More than anything right now, I think its just time to take a step back and think about things. I'll find some job in retail or Starbucks or subbing and then go teach children's theater in the summer. From there, who knows....midlife crisis....here I come, only I can't afford a sports car.
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2 comments:
I'm right with you on the mid-life crisis. I dreamed my life would be so different when I was young. By age forty I had expected to find my stride, be prepping to put my 2.5 children through college. Now that it's only 2 years away, I feel a sense of loss. Like I've failed somehow.
Facebook has been a blessing and a curse for me. Over the last 6 months, I've reconnected with people I haven't seen in almost 20 years. Students I taught, friends I hung out with... Like you, I find myself comparing my status with theirs. How many kids they have, where they live, what they do. Everyone else seems so successful - like they've all done better than me. I know that's not the case, but it feels that way, doesn't it?
I made the choice to be where I am. Everything I've gone through has made me who I am today, and the same is true of you. Life is hard, and if I'd made different choices, it still would have been hard, just in different ways.
We both have many blessings in our lives - you have your children, and a wonderful husband, I have my amazing wife and great friends. Let's not let all that other bullshit going on keep us from enjoying this moment.
Thanks Todd, you ROCK!
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