Lot's of Stuff

The first thing on my mind tonight is dealing with a little bit of hurt. Ok, maybe it's alot of hurt. My divorce several years ago was difficult. Rich and I had been married for nearly 13 years, together for 15. I was close with all of his family, his sister and sister in law were my very best friends. The whole marriage was not bad, but due to some mental issues with my ex, the last few years were awful. I prayed, I begged, I pleaded with God to help me get through and it never happened. Maybe someday I will go into further detail on this. Maybe that is why I don't go to church anymore. To some degree I am still hurt by the fact that I feel God didn't save me, make it work out. That's the way it is supposed to be right? You are supposed to stay married to the first person you marry. Shouldn't God have made that work?

Looking back, of course even with the pain of it all, in so many ways I am better off now. My husband is amazing and I am so very thankful to have him and the relationship we have.

That doesn't change the fact that when I left my husband, I lost an entire family. These people I had loved and been close to for 15 years, just ditched me in the blink of an eye. I made the stupid mistake tonight of making myself vulnerable to it, and now I am so hurt. Audrey travelled with her grandparent's to visit some of those people. I called her and asked to speak to one of the "aunts" that I thought was cool thinking maybe after all this time she would talk to me and it would be fine. She talked to me, but then it was quite obvious she didn't want to be talking to me. It hurts. Gosh, it really does. All of those people were my family. Now they literally despise me. How can you be like that? Why can't I let it go?

Oherwise, things are going really well. I had an interview today for a job that, if they hire me, will be amazing. More details to come:). I'm sorry, right now....I just feel stupid for reaching out to someone I thought might still care. Let it go Erin, just let it go.