Christmas, Family, Job Hunt & Secret Santa

Wow, we have certainly been busy and there is so much to tell. First off let me get the stinky news out of the way. Jeff and I are both still without jobs and my unemployment checks have been delayed due to red tape. I will get them, but not until after the first of the year. I got a call from the recruiter Friday telling me that he had talked to the owner of the store I had the interview for before Christmas and the guy said he was going to hire me. It's been over a week though and he has not called, so I really don't know what to think at this point.



Jeff got through his last few days at Sparky's. I was pretty disappointed in the owner of Wildfire and Sparky's (Bill). After six years of working with Jeff he didn't even bother to say thanks or goodbye.I went and hung out there a good part of the past couple of days. One of the cool things that happened was that I ran into Pokey, the woman who's party I worked a few weeks ago and she booked me for her Valentines party and I get to do the cooking this time:). I'm really looking forward to that.



Christmas Eve we went to Jeff's brother's house and had a nice time and then on Christmas Day we cleaned the house like crazy and then went to Jeff's Dad's. My parent's got here on Christmas Day and we enjoyed a nice evening together.



The day after Christmas all the kids arrived home around noon (yay!!!!). My sister and her family headed our way from Arlington encountering several bad accidents along the way which made for a long day for them. Jeff and I worked making a big family dinner and our neighbors Tony and Michelle also joined us. After dinner we opened gifts.



Audrey had been asking for a phone for Christmas. It was all she wanted. I told her weeks ago that she needed to have a "B" in all of her classes in order to get this present. I was trying to give her some big incentive. She didn't quite make it, but had signifigantly improved her grades, so I decided to go ahead and let her have the phone. She did not think she was getting the phone, so I wrapped it up in the neighbor's Guitar Hero World Tour Box. Ha,ha,ha, she opened it and was obviously surprised, but did a good job hiding her disappointment. A further search in the box found a phone and she was thrilled:).

We had a wonderful time with family and friends over the next couple of days, but we got one surprise that was just the coolest thing! I went out to check the mail after not checking it for several days. There were the usual Christmas cards from our family and friends. All had return addresses on them except one. I opened it up to find a sweet Christmas card with a very nice message of support for Jeff and I. Also inside the card were two $100 visa gift cards. Signed Secret Santa. I was completely blown away. I promise that when I am able, I will pay it forward. Secret Santa, whoever you are, thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

Christmas Story

I hope my friend Todd doesn't mind, but I am re-posting here on my blog, his most recent blog entry. I thought it was really special.

"Christmas Spirit
Friday night I was out delivering pizzas, lost in the dark and looking for some semblance of address numbers on the houses as I passed. At the end of the street was a home brilliantly lit for the Christmas season. Santa Claus stood in his sleigh on the grassy front lawn, surrounded by blow up snowmen, snow-globes and a barrage of other holiday lawn decor. This was the house. As I opened the car door and grabbed 2 steamy pizzas and a box of greasy hot-wings, Mannheim Steamroller wafted gently from hidden speakers. As I rang the doorbell, Jingle Bells started playing in tinny door-chime fashion as I waited on the front stoop. The dull glow of thousands of blue-tinted LED Christmas lights illuminated the receipt for $31.95. My wife and I usually decorate our house with Christmas lights, but a fire last August destroyed all of our exterior lights. Being on a tight budget, we decided to buy a tree this year and forgo exterior decor until Christmas 2009. We had heard about the new LED Christmas lights, so I asked the homeowner how he liked them. We chatted for a bit as he paid for his pizza, and I mentioned that our Christmas lights were destroyed last year. At this his eyes brightened and he said, "I have just the tip for you." He walked me out to the front of his garage where 5 large rubbermaid tubs sat, filled with Christmas lights. A lump rose in my throat as he started hauling them out to my car. They were filled to the brim with lights of all shapes and sizes. As we loaded them into the car, he asked only that I promise to put them up and wish my neighbors a merry Christmas. I was blown away. To him, they may have just been some extra lights that he wasn't using this year. To me they were a very generous gift of Christmas Spirit."

"The waiting...it's the hardest part"

Anytime you interview for a job and have to wait to hear from them it's hard. I feel like I nailed the interview, so whatever happens, I did my best. The recruiter called me yesterday to find out if I had heard anything and how the interview went after he left. I told him it went well and he was adamant that they should hire me...lol. I like it that he is fighting for me:). I am sure too, that since yesterday was a Sunday, they didn't want to call my references on the weekend. I am hoping I will hear something today. Jeff has an interview with Rudy's today, so send your good thoughts this way! They have a very strict 45 hour work week, and wow, that would be just awesome for him.

Speaking of waiting....I still have not recieved my first unemployment check. I am supposed to call in every two weeks, which I did, two weeks ago tomorrow, and nothing. It is near impossible to reach someone at the unemployment claims department. I have been waiting to get a return call for a week now. They called once and I missed the call, so then I had to start the process of reaching them all over again. I feel badly for these people because with unemployment being so high, I know they are overworked. But when you have $50 in your bank account and are really counting on that unemployment check...well...it's scary.

On a lighter note, we are dogsitting for one of Audrey's teachers that lives in our neighborhood. Kisses is a very sweet little lhasa apsa (I have no idea if I spelled that right...I could look it up...but nah). My bonus daughter Natalee LOVES animals and really wanted to bring Kisses home to hang with us at our house. Well, we brought Kisses home and it threw the rest of the animals into freak out mode. I don't think Kisses had ever seen a cat before and neither of my cats took kindly to haveing a little hyper dog running around. My sweet old dog Buddy just looked at us like "really?". Kisses spent the night and did pretty well, but the cats were still freaking this morning, so I thought it best to take Kisses home for some relief. Buddy doesn't seem to be fe feeling very well anyway and woudln't eat tis morning. I wonder if he thought this dog was here to stay. Poor guy.

Anyway, no news as of yet, but when I know something I will pass it along:)

I just had to add a really funny story or quote from my neighbor's son Justin. I was reading my friend Marsha's blog and she always tells these funny stories about her son and it made me think of Saturday night with Justin. Tony and Michelle (my awesome neighbors) had a Christmas party to go to, so I offered to watch Justin. Justin is five and in kindergarten and says hilarious things all the time as kindergartners do. I took him out to dinner and he told me he had to go to the bathroom. He was back really quickly and I said, "wow, that was fast!". He said, "Yeah, I'm a fast pee-er". Hilarious!

Lot's of Stuff

The first thing on my mind tonight is dealing with a little bit of hurt. Ok, maybe it's alot of hurt. My divorce several years ago was difficult. Rich and I had been married for nearly 13 years, together for 15. I was close with all of his family, his sister and sister in law were my very best friends. The whole marriage was not bad, but due to some mental issues with my ex, the last few years were awful. I prayed, I begged, I pleaded with God to help me get through and it never happened. Maybe someday I will go into further detail on this. Maybe that is why I don't go to church anymore. To some degree I am still hurt by the fact that I feel God didn't save me, make it work out. That's the way it is supposed to be right? You are supposed to stay married to the first person you marry. Shouldn't God have made that work?

Looking back, of course even with the pain of it all, in so many ways I am better off now. My husband is amazing and I am so very thankful to have him and the relationship we have.

That doesn't change the fact that when I left my husband, I lost an entire family. These people I had loved and been close to for 15 years, just ditched me in the blink of an eye. I made the stupid mistake tonight of making myself vulnerable to it, and now I am so hurt. Audrey travelled with her grandparent's to visit some of those people. I called her and asked to speak to one of the "aunts" that I thought was cool thinking maybe after all this time she would talk to me and it would be fine. She talked to me, but then it was quite obvious she didn't want to be talking to me. It hurts. Gosh, it really does. All of those people were my family. Now they literally despise me. How can you be like that? Why can't I let it go?

Oherwise, things are going really well. I had an interview today for a job that, if they hire me, will be amazing. More details to come:). I'm sorry, right now....I just feel stupid for reaching out to someone I thought might still care. Let it go Erin, just let it go.

Ah Ha Moment

Alright, so I've had the moment, the one I've been waiting for, the time when I finally realize what I want to do. Over the past few years whenever there has been a catering event for Sparky's big or small, Jeff will always ask me if want to work the event. I've done huge weddings and small get togethers. Every single one was a blast! Earlier this week Jeff got a call from a woman in Sun City who was haivng a Christmas Party and wondered if Jeff knew of anyone who could come and help her during the party and of course he called me.

I showed up about an hour early last night and Pokey (yep, that's what they call her, never did find out why) was in panic mode with all the last minute stuff. I just jumped right in and helped her finish the appetizers and get everything plated up and garnished etc. As people began to arrive I took them drinks, talked to them, made sure the platters stayed full of appetizers and washed a few dishes here and there. This allowed Pokey to really enjoy her party which she very much appreciated. I cannot tell you how much fun it was! I can do this, and I can do so much more. The way I figure it though, this is how you start. Pokey is a realtor and she says she does these kinds of things all the time and will call me again. She even paid me way more than she originally agreed to ($100 for three hours of work that was FUN is awesome!).

If I can get my name out there and word of mouth spreads, then people will begin to ask me to do bigger things. I can be totally flexible. I can do the small home parties, and when the time comes, I hope to be doing big weddings! Doing these parties includes everything I am good at. It's like being on stage really. You smile, you talk to people and make sure they are having a great time. AND, when I am doing more catering, I will be cooking too which is another thing I love. It will have to be an on the side thing for a while, but yep, this is it.

Wow, I am excited.

Oh, and to top the evening off, Sam Bradford of OU won the Heisman Trophy! Go Sooners!

Working Through

Jeff came home last night and we talked for a very long time (and drank a few tequila shots...lol). As I suspected, he feels such a great sense of burden as do I. I have already sent out many resumes today for him, so we hope that something will come up soon.

Today we got another big blow when I called to find out what would happen to his childsupport payments if he lost his job. I was told that they would accrue and that his X can report him and take him to court over it if he can't pay. Jeff supports his kids willingly, he is not a deadbeat Dad who doesn't pay or want to pay his childsupport. I know his X counts on it, as I count on mine. I know the system is in place to protect the kids. BUT, when someone loses their job and has no way to pay, it just seems terribly unfair that he could go to jail or be taken to court over it. Especially in these down times. It's just another scary thing that looms ahead. And of course, he has to tell her about losing his job and I know that won't be fun.

Come on silver lining, where are ya???

More Bad News

I got the call about two hours ago. Jeff, "We've got a problem"....they are selling the restaurant he works for and he won't have a job after Christmas. Just when I thought things were manageable, they go down the tubes even worse. I know he is feeling horrible. Jeff's sense of responsibility for taking care of me and the kids is bigger than any man I know. He works hard and it is important to him to be the provider. He is trying really hard to play this off and be the big brave man, but I know inside he is in pieces and worried to death. He is still at work, since
he has a job until Christmas, but I know that must be terribly hard for him. Having to stay there and keep a professional face on while he worries about providing for us. He has some leads on other jobs and was really ready to move on from this one, but circumstances being what they are....now was not a good time for this to happen.

All I can say is, please send your prayers, good thoughts and wishes our way. We need all the help we can get.

Moving Forward

Jeff and I had a long talk last night in which I demonstrated all the amazing ways that we are being taken care of through this trying time. I am a religious person....somewhat lapsed on the going to church thing, but still a big believer that God is out there taking care of me. Some might have different views and I'm totally cool with that. At any rate, some really neat things have happened and are blessings during this time.

At the beginning of November I was beginning to worry that my child support check was lost in the mail as it was a little later than usual (the Attorney General takes this out of Rich's check, so it was nothing he did). I got it and didn't open it until I was in the drive through at the bank since they are always the same amount. I opened it up and it was nearly twice what it usually is. I nearly cried. I went ahead and put it in the bank, but immediately called the office to make sure there hadn't been a mistake. I didn't want to find out months from now that I owed them money. Come to find out, in April of 2005 a check had somehow not been delivered to me, so they were giving me the money that was mine. Then for some reason in November of 2008, they realized this and decided to give me that money. Hmmmmm...nice timing!

Now this little windfall allowed me to get one check ahead on paying bills. So, the last check of the month goes towards the mortgage etc...This little blessing has allowed Jeff and I to be in better shape with the job loss and we were able to pay our mortgage in December. I am going to get some decent unemployment, so all in all, things are difficult, but not horrible. January will be much harder, but I hope to have a job by then.

The next money related blessing was my parents. I have to say that through every difficult time, my family has been the most amazing support in every way. My Dad called me last Tuesday and sensing my worry about Christmas, offered some help. He said that he and Mom were planning to give us money for Christmas and would it help if they sent it now. YES!:) We don't have the kids for Christmas this year, we get them at noon on the 26th. We don't have to do BIG Christmas, but we wanted to make sure the kids each got something special. Plus, there are lots of other family memebers to buy for besides our kids. Another blessing.

I think though that the biggest blessing was my job loss. How is that possible you ask? Well, the way I see it, we were seriously considering something that could have financially ruined us. In many ways, I know we could have done it, we could have been successful. I WANTED so badly to do it, but as I said in an earlier post, wanting something and it being the right thing, are two very different things. I became privy to some things (I have friends in high places..lol on the advisory board) that most Super Suppers owners are not even aware of about the future of the company. There are some things going on within corporate that I think will ultimately cause it's demise. I wish so much that it could have worked, but I feel very strongly that it all happend in order to keep Jeff and I safe from something that could have destroyed us.

That's what gives me peace through this. I gained alot of experience that I can use moving forward. I also really believe that Jeff and I are being prepped to do something more. I don't think it's an coincidence that twice in the last year we have had the opportunity to buy our own business. It is something we both want to do, so maybe someday, we will.

I still really despise the unknown here. I want to know what comes next. But, I'm also trying to enjoy the break. My job with Super Suppers was all consuming. I had great flexibility which allowed me to be home when my kids got home from school. But even then, I was working. I was physically here, but always on the phone or computer. Work was never far from my mind. It leaves a big hole, but it is also nice not to have to worry so much. I'm going to enjoy today.

Torn

I have started this entry so many times. I worry that I am being too negative. That people, well if anyone reads this, that they will just get irritated with me. Then I realize that this isn't for anyone else. This is for me. The whole reason I decided to write was because this is the best way for me to work through my feelings.

Right now I am angry...yes STILL. I feel so much like I am flailing in the wind. I have alot of different experience, but I really didn't think I would be starting all over again. I thought when I started the GM job at Super Suppers, this was my future. I saw myself doing that job or owning the store on a very permanent basis. I keep waiting for some sort of inspiration, something to happen that moves me toward what comes next. Instead, I am home, remembering what it's like to be a stay at home Mom, and remembering that I cannot possibly afford to be that.

I will digress for a moment. The weekend was absolutely wonderful. We have made friends with our neighbors and feel really blessed to have such wonderful friends. The holiday and the friends made me forget for a while. On Sunday, we went to a Christmas Tree Farm in Elgin and picked out our Christmas Tree. We had decided last year this was what we were going to do and since we had already told the kids, we went ahead. It was such a wonderful day! Here are some pics:). The tree was so big that we had part of it hanging out the passenger side front window and part hanging out the drivers side back window...got quite a few laughs on the way home:).

I had an idea that I could just send out an email to everyone I know and offer the same sort of services that Super Suppers does. I have the kow how and I know there are people out there who need help with their dinners. If people wanted to buy a dinner or two from me a week, then maybe that could help make December better, or more survivable for me and Jeff. I'm still working it through, but at least it's something. Until I find whatever it is that is next for me.

Camping Pics!

So here are the long promised camping pics from a few weeks ago!