Rain, Rain....and Rain

I am at home for a few minutes since I brought Audrey back from the campsite to get all cleaned up for her birthday party tonight. During which I am sure, she will get all icky and muddy again since it's a teeny bit wet out there. Ah but still fun. Jeff talked me into camping last night and I swear that the minute we pulled into the park it began pouring rain. Thankfully it didn't last and we actually had a very peaceful night with a small bit of rain. Of course, this morning was a completely different story as it rained HARD. But it wasn't windy and we had a shelter, so no big deal. No more rain in the forecast either.

I started my census job this week. Well, I trained last week (BORING), but actually started doing the job this week. Unfortunately I found out that they may not have any more work for me after this week. That really sucks. It's a great paying and easy job with flexible hours, so I hope they find us some new areas. We sure could use the money.

So, I got some bad news last week about my Mom. She has been having alot of health issues and in the process of doing tests for other things, the Dr.'s have found a spot on her thyroid and a tumor in her lung. She will have an ultrasound of her thyroid and a CT scan of her lung next week to gather more information. Plus, she will get the results of the blood work they did last week. I was pretty upset when I first heard those new issues. But at this point, what's the point of worrying? There isn't anything I can do about it, so I guess it's just wait and see. I am just trying hard not to think about it much, but that isn't working so well. Sigh...

As far as our fight goes, well, it went the way of so many....suddenly she started talking to me again and we never talked about the issue at all. I would like to talk about it, but at this point, with all she has on her plate, I will let it go. Too much stress already.

Lastly, here are pics of the latest home improvement project. My favorite so far. The Dining Room! I am going to see if I can find some of the "before" pics so you can see the difference. Unfortunately, this is the only picture I could find, but it will have to do. Just a boring plain room. In this picture we had just ripped up the carpet.

In total we spent about $50 on this room, but I think it looks like we spent ALOT more! The first thing I did was get some Rustoleum metal paint and painted the light fixture. It was an ugly brass fixture, but with a new coat of paint and some lampshades I bought at IKEA, it's a new fixture! Next, we ripped out the carpet which cost us nothing but some elbow grease and time. We bought the red paint for $5 at the Habitat For Humanity Restore. Then we bought some trim and stain at Home Depot for the back wall and also concrete stain. Violla! We have a brand new, rockin dining room!

Shiner, Big Hair & Kitty's

I've been bad about catching up on all the latest news and events going on in the Geren/Folsom household. Soooo...here goes! Last week I met my sister at the Waco Zoo. It was a beautiful day and the zoo was sooo terribly uncrowded! Yay! We had a really great time. What a nice zoo. My favorite animal to see at the zoo is always the giraffe, but I also found a new favorite. The black swan. I had no idea how beautiful they were! See the beautiful ruffles his feathers make at his tail? Stunning.

Then Friday Michael's whole Third Grade went to the Austin Zoo. Not nearly as nice as the Waco Zoo, but really fun anyway. Michael was thrilled to have me there with him (Unfortunately I forgot the camera for this one!). It was some really nice Mom and son bonding time. AND while I was at the zoo, I got a call from the Census Bureau, I got a job! It is a temporary job, but a really good and well paying gig. I'll take what I can get, that's for darn sure!

Saturday we left very early for Michael's baseball tournament in Shiner, TX. I was so happy to see that Michael played First Base for the entire first game. That hadn't happened in quite a while. he did a great job and hit well too. After the second game, the team headed out to a Mexican restaurant. On the way there Michael was sticking his head out the window enjoying the beautiful weather. He is growing his hair out and when I looked in the backseat I could hardly keep it together. Hopefully it will make you laugh too!

It was a fun night although LOUD with alot of hyper boys. The adults finally began to have fun and relax when the beer and Pina Colada's started coming:).

The town of Shiner is rather small and old, and driving home we saw a neat little park with a huge cannon Michael wanted to see, so we stopped. While we were there we found this really cool time capsule and Michael and I made a date for it's opening in 2037.

Last but not least, a little kitty humor.

THIS is MY box.

I AM NOT fat! I DO fit in here too!

FINE! Everyone knows my Target bag is more stylish than your pudding box anyway!

Crisis.....of the heart

Depression.....they say it hurts and they aren't wrong. I've been on both sides. When you are depressed, the depression lies to you. It tells you that you are worthless, that you have no friends, that life is bad. I've been there. I've also been on the other side of it. The side that GETS hurt. I have learned over time that I have to protect myself sometimes, even when it is someone you love most that is hurting you.

My Mom suffers from serious depression and has for years. Sometimes it's alright and sometimes it isn't. Even one harsh tone from her can send me reeling. We are all tangled up together in a mesh of being really close in a good way and being dysfunctional in others. My mother is suffering right now with some serious medical issues. It has caused her to be in a real depression. Unfortunately, it has also caused her to lash out at me. As of this moment she isn't even speaking to me.

Why? Well, apparently because I am being a bad parent to my daughter. Audrey expressed to her the desire to try out for cheerleading. I was upset at first because it was so last minute and Audrey just hadn't been preparing, but at my Mother's insistence, I gave in. I got her a coach and asked her to practice. I told her she would have to work very hard because there was alot of competition.

Audrey has struggled because she wants to have her "thing". You know that thing that you are good at. Her brother plays baseball and she is honest and tells me she is jealous because he has that and she feels she doesn't have something. We had a heart to heart and I explained to her that not everyone's "thing" has to be something sports related. Audrey loves to write and has signed up for Journalism class next year. She will do great and love it. She just has to be patient. She has yet to practice to cheerleading. I figure if it is something she really wanted, she would be working on it, right? Ah, but somehow that is my fault in my Mother's eyes. She thinks that I have put Audrey down and that now she thinks she can't do it. She thinks that because her Mother told her the same things.

I finally wrote her an email today and told her the ball is in her court. I told her that I love her and want to have a relationship with her and that I don't understand why she wants to stay mad at me. It isn't fair to withhold love from someone as a punishment. It isn't right and I don't deserve it. No one does. I know exactly the impact this will have on her. I spent too many years not standing up for myself for fear of sending her farther down into the depression. Now I know that part isn't my fault. I have to stand up for myself, as painful as it is. I can only hope and pray that she will decide to let me back in and not do something that will break all of our hearts.

Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers. I am very scared for her right now, and I am shut out. Even though I know the truth about depression, I would never be able to forgive myself if something happens to her before we can get things worked out. I love her, she's my Mom. The only one I'll ever have.